I've always loved penning down my thoughts in the form of short poems/paragraphs. This is a series
on my thoughts during a phase in my life where I dealt with minor anxiety and bipolar (not diagnosed).
Short Writing
3; #heyimhere
Personal Work, 2018
Tired
​
sleep. my body tells me to.
wake. my body screams at me to.
hibernate. my body sinks into the chair. concentrate. my body can't comply.
i am tired.
three simple words, but hard to carry out.
i am tired.
they say don't rest, test your limits.
i am tired.
they say sleep like a log, wake like the dawn.
i am tired.
tick tick tick tock, the clock strikes midnight.
i am tired.
breathe in and out.
i am tired.
someone call me a doctor.
i am tired.
i can't breathe.
i am tired.
my eyes are closing.
stay awake, a voice yelled.
i am tired.
i can't do this anymore..let me lay.
i am tired.
eyes shut, words stop.
finally, peace.
Full
​
these past weeks i've been so happy,
i almost feel guilty.
my heart feels so full, it's almost a sin.
everything around me and my life itself is a mess. but funnily enough, i feel at ease.
​
like i know that i'll brace through this storm without getting an inch hurt.
we're so starved by the thought of accomplishing everything successfully and with beauty.
​
that in the middle of it all,
we lose our most valuable asset - ourself.
and when that happens, it becomes the most unfortunate tragedy of all.
​
i feel so bloated with happiness and love to share that i'm so tired every day from laughing.
and when i look back on my day,
these good memories replay like i'm a bystander, watching it. and we'll savour them with a foot in the ground.
#heyimhere
​
let’s play a game.
cross our hearts
and never lie.
heads don’t turn unless someone dies.
true, or false?
i say true.
merely because why,
everyone’s too busy with their own lives.
agree? agreed.
i sit and smile
but you don’t see me struggling inside.
these words, they’re hard to say.
like a bird afraid to take its first step to fly.
breathe.
and i can’t reach out
you have to do this.
and i’m panicking endlessly.
just say it.
i can’t do this.
and i’m reminded of my friend who called to say goodbye.
“please don’t i’m here”, i cried.
you see, i’ll always be there.
for you. for others. for anyone.
that night we hung up after 3 hours,
and i cried.
for being selfish.
for thinking of leaving.
because who was going to be there for you if i wasn’t?
fast forward, 3 years on.
hello, i’m still here.
haven’t gotten rid of it,
yet.
still there,
like a fresh wound.
needing stitches every minute, every hour, every day.
been feeling like i’m a third person watching my life play out,
like a never ending film.
the other day i had a panic attack
halfway during class,
but i’m still here.
don’t worry,
i’ll always be here.
hopefully.